Why I am Moody

I can’t sleep.

I have a basketball under my shirt… or so it seems.

I’m swollen everywhere – and thats not very pleasant “down there.”

It’s hot outside – and humid.  I’m from Colorado, where hot and humid don’t happen on the same day. I miss home a bit.

I lost the bottoms to my only maternity swimming suit. So, when I want to go swimming, I have to go in boy gym shorts and my suit top.

Julia has a cold.  A toddler with a cold.  Enough said.

The baby’s room still needs trim put up and the closet cleaned out.

The playroom still needs…  wait, what playroom?

I have to find my own replacement for the 2 months I plan to be gone on maternity leave for one of my jobs, and that’s not going so well.

Water gives me heartburn.

The very frequent trips to the pee-hole aren’t cute or fun anymore.

I work with ALL women, many of which think it’s appropriate to feel my belly at any time.

Julia has been testing limits ever since we got the crib put together…  coincidence?

My doctor canceled my last appointment, which was supposed to be on Friday. (He had a funeral to go to.)

Many of the volunteers at church that I am supposed to coordinate and schedule for Sunday mornings are burning out and finding excuses not to come anymore.

My dad is coming to visit in early August and he and his wife will have no where to sleep unless we get busy with the downstairs level of our home, which needs a lot of TLC.

My feet itch like crazy – well my whole body does – but my feet are hard to reach.

My back muscles are mad at me for lifting things I really shouldn’t be lifting.

My nesting instincts are kicking in, but I don’t feel a lot of progress – and that’s just depressing.

There, that feels better.  While it’s nice to be pregnant, and I do appreciate everything that I have – an occasional whine-fest is healthy once in a while.  Thanks for listening.

Obligatory Update

Vacation Bible School is over and I can breathe again!  It was fun.  The week of VBS was a blast, and I was able to forget all the hard times I went through having two other directors in the mix with me.  They took over, and I finally let them do it – and now I’m glad for that because .. now that it’s over, I realize that all the silly details weren’t all that important anyway.

Hubby turned 30.  He got a gift card to the brew store. He loves to brew his beer… I’ve been craving beer, but have only had one small sip of the stuff since almost a year ago.  I’m glad he has some good hobbies that keep him out of trouble anyway.

He also had his second Father’s Day.  I think I gave him the best gift ever…  Julia got him a gift certificate to go golfing, and I got him a whole day off from church.  Rich hasn’t missed a day of church since I got hired (except twice, when we were both out of town together)… and he was able to take that entire Sunday to golf with his dad and his brother.  I think they had fun – they came back smelly and tired and telling stories of the beaver they saw on the course.

We also had our 6th wedding anniversary.  We dumped Julia off at her Auntie’s house so that Rich and I could enjoy dinner together without her.  We ate at the Cracker Barrel, and then went shopping and putzed around town for a bit.  When we picked J up at Auntie’s house, we also brought her two cousins home with us… they spent the night at our house, as a small favor to Auntie and Uncle – who needed a sitter the following morning.  It was a lesson in patience, but it was fun nonetheless.

Then VBS happened, and now here I am trying to come up with all kinds of details that have happened in 3 weeks time to keep this blog updated.

The baby is kicking – she seems healthy and happy.  This coming Thursday will be my first OB appointment that is 2 weeks after the last one.  I’ll get to visit every 2 weeks for a while, then it will go to weekly during my last month.  The due date still hasn’t changed (which is a good thing, since I’m kind of an anal planner)… she’s scheduled to arrive sometime around the 26th of September.  That puts me close to my 28th week, and now I’m starting to feel the pain.  This pregnancy is much harder than the last one. Much much much… but I’m managing to enjoy it when I can.  Julia is excited – and I think life around here is going to change drastically over the next week or so, when we FINALLY get the nursery put together.  God bless my hunk of a hubby who has put new cork flooring down in the nursery … the walls are painted.. the trim has been painted… and it’s all going to come together soon.  He puts up with my impatient nagging… I keep asking him when it’s going to be done – and he patiently reminds me that it’s hard to paint walls and install a floor when taking care of a preggo wife, a toddler kid, running a VBS station, and working full time all at once.  I forget sometimes how much he does for us. He’s amazing.

When we get the nursery put together, then we can refocus on the playroom – which is supposed to be the whole downstairs of the house (next to the this-here-office of ours).  That will be such a blessing…  though, I wish it could miraculously get done within the next 5 weeks so that I can seriously consider starting my home childcare business.  I guess we’ll have to wait and see….

I think my dad and his wifey are coming out in early August.  I told him they’re crazy – they might as well wait until early October… saves them a trip, because they will HAVE TO come out to meet little missy when she’s born..  but he insists and they have the time and plans to come anyway, so that’ll be cool.

I’ve been thinking about and missing my mom and my brother a lot lately.  It’s been years since I’ve talked to my now-estranged brother… but he’s been coming up in my thoughts a lot lately for some reason.  I hope he’s okay.  My mom and I chat very briefly from time to time online… but never with any sustenance to the conversation.   I think this pregnancy is making me hyper-aware of the relationship that is missing there.   Oh well.

I’ve been a horrible friend to everybody around me lately.  My long-time friend Abbey recently graduated college and I didn’t even so-much-as send her a card.  My friend Angela has given us a ton of stuff for the baby and I haven’t sent her a card or called her at all recently.  I have no idea how my Aunt Julie-O is doing… I haven’t talked to her since right after she had her back surgery months ago.  My friend Megan visited a couple of months ago with their newborn baby and she’s since sent pictures over email and I haven’t taken the time to write her a few sentences to let her know I’ve been thinking of her.

I’d love to say that I’m going to sign off now so that I can catch up on all those regrets… but what really must be done is some tidying up of the office before I lose myself in the piles.
Thanks for reading! Look forward to another long, rambling, senseless update in the future.

*exhale*

I’ve lost it

I don’t know what “IT” is that I am referring to in the title, exactly, because IT can be anything these days.  It seems as though I have no idea where anything is anymore.  Yes, I’m familiar with “preggo brain” but I thought it was worst in the first tri-mester… at least, it was with my first pregnancy.  This time around – my preggo brain is kicking in at FULL SWING right now, just as I’m getting into the third trimester.

I’m losing things that I could never possibly lose:

– My swimsuit bottoms.  I have the top, I have the towel, I have everything I had when I last had the top and the bottom together – but now I don’t know where my bottom is.  ARUGH frustrating… and I only had one maternity swimming suit.

– Apparently I’ve lost four reimbursement checks that the church has cut me.  The finance guy came to me today with a list of checks that have been written to me but never cashed, and how the HELL could I lose a check? I immediately sign the backs of those babies and go deposit them.  The good news is (I guess?) that I didn’t miss the money… apparently I didn’t even realize that the checks never cleared until I was told so today.

– A whole bunch of stamp pads.  I’m not into stamping or stamps or anything stamp related, but I did have a bunch of ink pads for stamps in with all the other crafty crap I have to keep in my basement for the church… and I can’t find a single one.  I did go out and buy a new one since one of the Sunday School classes needed it today for an art project… but of course I lost that one, too…  not even 24 hours after I bought the dang thang.

– Patience.  Have you seen it? My patience is missing.  I’m UBER good with 3/4 year olds. My daughter will be 3 in 3 months – she acts 3 and thinks she’s 3. I should be really good with her…. but I’m not. Where did my patience go?

– My ability to reason. I have been acting on impulse.  What the hell? I’m SUCH a reasonable person.  Does anybody know where I left my ability to reason?

The worst part about all of this is that “preggo brain” never really goes away, right? Once you lose those brain cells, they’re pretty much gone for good.  At least, that’s what everybody tells me and it was true with the brain cells I once had before becoming preggers with Julia.   Ahhh – good thing I have a smart AND good looking hubby to take care of me.

A late night stream of conscienceness post

Goodnight.  No, wait – not Goodnight… HELLO!

My body is preparing me.  Sleep is unpredictable – just as it is going to be after the new addition arrives.  I lay in bed and watch the clock – only when I’m lucky does it jump ahead a few hours in a blink.

The other night, Igot 3 1/2 hours normal business hours work done between the hours of midnight and 4:30a.m.  Then, I went to bed to rise and shine at 7am with my toddler and hubby.

I don’t know that I’m complaining all that much … sure the lack of sleep wears on me when I have a chance to sit down for a moment during regular functioning hours … but, really, how can I complain when I actually have all those hours to myself in a quiet house.

I can’t help but wonder if I’m relying on my Benedryl to knock me out.  It helps, most of the time. And, if I don’t take it then my first time up to pee is when I’m up for good – because my sinuses drain like niagra falls…. and my first time up to pee is usually about 3 hours after I’ve just laid down for rest.  But, I almost look forward to the 8 o’clock hour when I know my benedryl is coming soon.  Is that a bad thing?

I took my benedryl tonight about 2 and 1/2 hours ago and I feel wide awake.  I like to think that I’m still up because I’m hungry – but really the eating part is just there to entertain me right now.  My blog friends aren’t updating as often as I’d like… I need something to read – pictures to see – information to absorb.  All the websites that I frequent are only updated daily… if that.  There’s nothing good on TV.

I act as if I have nothing to do. There’s laundry to be folded.  Hey, really – does anybody NOT have laundry to be folded?  I swear the laundry pile NEVER GOES AWAY.  It’s stubborn.  The clothes are all clean – they just don’t know their way to the closet.  How annoying.  But, I can’t work on that b/c the kids (one kid and a hubby) are sleeping.  We shan’t disturb.

There’s sweeping and mopping to be done, but I’m too lazy.

There’s work to be done but – seriously – I’ve already worked my share of hours in the past two days/nights. It’s just not fun anymore.

What I should be doing is planning… I should plan an awesome Friday for this week since my hubby is hitting the BIG THREE OH.  I’m disappointed in myself for not planning earlier so I could really make it awesome for him.  But, I suck and we stay busy and we’re poor. (Oh yeah, I didn’t even tell you about our minivan… we got a ‘new’ van – traded in the old Saturn Vue for it. I never ever never never ever EVER thought I’d drive a minivan – but here I am.  You can call me soccer mom.)  Anyway, his bday is friday then Sunday is (of course) Father’s Day and he’s the most bestest daddy in the world for our kids, and then a week from this Friday is our 6th anniversary. Six years.  But, instead of planning something special or cool or doing something worthwhile in preparation for the causes for celebration… I sit here typing about it all to you. I could also be planning for – well – like having another kid.  There’s websites and books to be read about VBACS and newborn siblings and what not.  But, really – do you think I have the energy for all that thinking time? Maybe tomorrow.  Or, I could be planning for our Relay for Life event since I’m the team captain and we have a team meeting this thursday night at my house.  It’s going to be neat – RFL is in July – if you don’t know about it, go look it up. I’m even too lazy to provide a link right here. Maybe I’ll write more about it tomorrow.  Or, I could be planning for VBS since we have a role as a station leader for VBS this year.  But, I’m quite sick of VBS talk since I’m one of the directors of it this year and I’m not really liking either of the two other directors…. so yeah – VBS is a no-go for something to do right now.  Oh, I could be doing a thousand other things.  But, instead, I just wait for the Benedryl to kick in so I can go to bed.

So here I sit – watching the clock from a desk instead of from in bed like I usually do.

And there you have it – my stream of consciousness rambling post about a bunch of nothingness.  You’re welcome.

Cute Kid award

Julia had on a really cute, albeit WHITE, t-shirt today that says “I (heart) mommy.” It, for some reason, is my favorite t-shirt of hers.  She got some ketchup on it at the dinner table so I removed her shirt and quickly set it on top of the washer with enough Shout spray that it should be okay.  So, Julia was without a shirt for most of the evening and it didn’t bother her.  Later, she decided to ditch the shorts, too.  So there she was, running all around with just her greenish/blueish flower panties on.  We were playing in her room when she decided to sport the flower high heels and the beaded necklace, with her pink rimmed hat and the purse.  The final touch was her darling white sunglasses. Daisy started barking so I told her that I’d be right back – I was just going to let the dog in.  Julia insisted that she go with me…

She walked out on to the deck despite my constant reminding her to stay inside since she doesn’t have clothes on. But, as soon as she got out there, she noticed that our neighbor was enjoying a book on their back porch.  The neighbor smiled at Julia and let out a soft chuckle.

When we came back inside, Julia shed the jewelry, the shoes, the hat, and of course the sunglasses too.  I asked her why she took it all off and she said in her most innocent voice ever, “That lady smiled at me.”

I explained to Julia that it was because she’s cute and that Julia is just hard to NOT smile at.  I told Julia to put her hat and glasses back on because a friend was going to arrive soon to give me a paper I needed….  Julia grabbed her hat and put her glasses on.  She laughed at the prospect of having another lady smile at her – then she put on her hat and cupped her hands over her wide-opened mouth in an “OMG” pose…  then immediately took them off again and said, “Um, NO.”
It was to-die-for-cuteness.

She does a lot of this cute stuff… I just never get around to blogging about it.

Julia also insisted that she use all the rest of her stickers before going to bed.  But, she didn’t want to put them just anywhere- they had to go directly on the baby in my tummy.  They are fun, shiny stickers – and as fun as they are, Julia doesn’t realize that they are old Christmas stickers we no longer needed.  It was fun to have sticker after sticker placed gently on my belly, followed by a sincere “there you go..” and a smooch.

Dang, I really need to take the time to write stuff like this down more often.  She’s so cute.

Still can’t figure out how to put the ticker up there…

Irreplaceable

Imagine someone comes to you in tears on a bi-weekly basis complaining of their job and that they don’t know how to manage time properly and thanks for bearing with them through all the learning and growth they are experiencing from taking too much on at a time.  Then, imagine that person comes to you months later, still the same wild wreck they have been, asking you to take on their job for 8 weeks while they take some time off.  You’re friends with this person and have helped them through a lot (as they have helped you through a lot…) and you know their job very well, and often boast that you could do their job better than them becuase of your freedom and organizational skills.  But, you learn that you’d be taking on their stressful job for these 8 weeks for NO PAY. It would be strictly volunteer work out of the kindness of your heart.  Would you take the position?

It’s a….

So, it’s SO hard to believe that I’m more than halfway there.   Today, I’m 22 weeks, 3 days along and I had my mid-point OB appointing and sonogram!

I had a good discussion with the doc about a VBAC and I’ve decided to go for it.  Basically, everything inside me says WHY NOT?!?   … The doctor is great and seems supportive.  I just love my OB.

Hubby went with me to the sonogram and we found out that the little bean growing inside of me is a ….

Woke up Happy

Today, I woke up happy. For the first time in about 4 months, I woke up happy! My allergies are there like they are every single morning, but this morning I could open my eyes (they weren’t swelled shut), I could breathe (without gasping), I could blow my nose (without bleeding) and I could walk around (without a headache).

It still took me ’till 4am to fall asleep, but once I was out, I guess I got a good nite’s rest! I had some really wacky dreams. In one of them, I was just meeting my husband. I was single and at this crayola store, making pictures with a whole bunch of other single people. Then, all the sudden this big group of really hunky men came in (waaay good lookin… i mean, my hubby was one of them!) and they all had really dark, really curly hair. (He does look kinda weird with really dark hair… I like his natural blonde/brown better.. but it was just a dream.) These men were going around to all the tables taking every crayon except the one that the people were using. If you wanted another color, you had to raise your hand and ask for it.

I remember explicitly that I wanted red and purple… both at the same time. So, I raised my hand – and my hubby (Though I didn’t know him as my hubby in the dream, because in the dream he was just a hunky single guy in charge of crayons) came over and I asked him for the purple and the red in my most flirtiest way that I possibly could! He hesitated, and asked me allll the must-know questions “what’s your sign?” “Do you have a job?” “What do you do for a living” (and I remember lying to him saying that I taught 3rd grade even though I knew that irl, i was “just” a preschool teacher)… and then he asked “Do you mind military guys?” I said no and asked what branch of the military? And he said Nazi!

I told you it was a weird dream.

I remember feeling a sense of panic and wonder … I was head over heels in love with this guy and didn’t agree with his life. But, the dream led me through this weird series of events where things were blown up military style and we had to run through smoke and pass all these tests and stuff before we could live happily ever after.

As creepy as it is, it wasn’t a nightmare… just a very weird dream!!

I also had another detailed dream about wanting to get my hair cut. For some reason, my mom had to drop me off at the haircut place and we agreed that she’d come back later to picke me up when I was done. But, I went in and sat in the salon chair and there was half-eaten food all over the counter. It was clear that the people who were there before me didn’t clean up …. and soon a busser type person came over to clear the food but then I just sat and sat and sat and the haircut lady never came by to ask me how I wanted my hair. So, I soon gave up on her and left the place – deciding to meander around the shops on the street while I waited for it to be time for my mom to pick me up. When I figured it was about that time, I went back to the haircut place and my mom was in there, sitting in the same salon chair – getting a super fabulous gorgeous to-die-for haircut. I was so mad and jealous and I asked her how she got the lady to pay attention to her.. and she came back with something like, “See, honey? It really is important to be patient sometimes!”

Weird.

Anyway, I’m glad I got some sleep. I have to say, I’ve been in a pretty good mood and it’s not even noon yet! So now, you get to see some cute pictures. 🙂 Enjoy!

Calling all VBAC’ers!

So, there’s been something really big weighing on my mind lately. It has to do with that really big something that is weighing on my pelvis, too.   Oh that reminds me of funny that happened….

I work in a preschool – with young kiddos, of course.  And the other day, little C came up to me and asked, “Miss Maggie, did you have one of these here chicken sandwiches for lunch?”

“Yes, it was pretty good!” I answered.

And she stared me up and down, trying to come up with her words…  “Well,” she started – as her face got wrinkled with worry and wonder and thoughts.. “cuz it looks like you have something A LOT bigger than that in your tummy.”

C is four years old and I thank her for the laugh. It was cute!

Oh, I digress.  Anyway, I wanted to write a cute post about how much I love my kids and how much I love my mom (despite the lack of mommy’ing that may have happened in the last 10 years or so..) and how I would give up anything in the whole world for my children and my hubby.  But, I can’t concentrate because I can’t stop thinking about the wonder of a VBAC.

I had a C-Section with Julia because… well, I didn’t see that there was much choice.  My water had broke at 11pm on my due date, and at 3pm the next day, she still had not made any progress. (Oh someday, I’ll go into my long tirade of a story about how pissed I am that I was robbed of the opportunity to progress labor by my lazy doctor… I know so much more now than I knew then – but that’s a whole ‘nother post.)

My OB says that I still have a choice. I can go VBAC if I want to.  My initial reaction was “why the hell would I wanna do that??”  but the more I learn and progress with this pregnancy, the more I miss the chance I coulda had to have Julia the right way.   My doctor has said on a couple of different occassions that I do have the choice – but that it’s very rare anymore because of malpractice insurance.  He said that only two hospitals in this entire STATE allow for a VBAC anymore – and that doctors are turning vbac’s away left and right due to the complications that could happen.  But, the two hospitals that allow them, are the two that I have to choose from – and he has still maintained that I have the choice.  (Sure, sounds like he’s trying to talk me out of it, but who wouldn’t?….   he would know when he needs to be there to deliver me, he would know that there’s minimal risk considering.. and we would all know my due date.  Sounds like a great deal for the doc.)  Really, though – who wants to go through possibly-unneeded surgery? We’re talking longer recovery time, more drugs, unnatural birth, etc etc etc…     But am I being selfish by not considering the real risks??

I have talked to many women who have had a VBAC and several women who have had multiple children vaginally after their first was born C Section.  ALL of these women say that they do not regret it and are so happy they’ve made the choice.  ALL of them say their VBAC’s were very successful.

But – my question is… where are the ones that have tried to go VBAC and were not successful?

I guess I still have some studying to be done.  But y’all know me – I’m a busy chick.  So, go ahead – flood my comments with your wisdom and solicited advice.  I promise that I’m a stubborn and independant woman,  and will not choose one way or another just ‘cuz you said so.   I do make my own decisions… but I’m totally needing some opinions here.  Where better to get opinions than from BLOGLAND, right!??!

Thanks 🙂  Now, go comment away.  And, when I’m feeling more up to it, I can write a more appropriate mother’s day post that involves my sweet pea having her last mother’s day with me as an only child.