Archive for the ‘Random thoughts on God’ Category


June 3, 2007

Imagine someone comes to you in tears on a bi-weekly basis complaining of their job and that they don’t know how to manage time properly and thanks for bearing with them through all the learning and growth they are experiencing from taking too much on at a time.  Then, imagine that person comes to you months later, still the same wild wreck they have been, asking you to take on their job for 8 weeks while they take some time off.  You’re friends with this person and have helped them through a lot (as they have helped you through a lot…) and you know their job very well, and often boast that you could do their job better than them becuase of your freedom and organizational skills.  But, you learn that you’d be taking on their stressful job for these 8 weeks for NO PAY. It would be strictly volunteer work out of the kindness of your heart.  Would you take the position?



Embarrassed by overindulgence

March 9, 2007

In our weekly bible study, the topic of keeping life simple comes up often.  I always say that I’d love to sell all my belongings, save a few shirts and two pairs of jeans, and live simply.  One bowl, one spoon, one fork, one cup, one plate, one toothbrush, my daughter, my hubby, my family and my bible are all that I really NEED.  I dream about our house being clutter free and my free-time choices consisting only of reading or playing a simple board or word game with family.

I’d say that we didn’t have much as I was growing up.  It’s easy for me to say that now, considering all the junk we do have.  But, all my things were hand-me-downs… even the clothes.  I enjoyed getting hand-me-down clothes from my older female cousins. They were in their teens when I was 7-12 and I would get “Mag Bags” every month or so. (Big trash bags filled with great clothes). I remember a summer, though, when it seemed like I got at least one new thing per day.  Either a cheap toy from the dollar store, a new shirt from Target or WalMart or some kind of fun cassette tape with cheesy preteen music on it.  I loved waking up every day that summer because I would wake up trying to remember what it was that I got new the day before.

When I went off to college and became poor and had a steady diet of ramen and macaroni, I realized that I was never “spoiled.”  Even that fun summer when I’d get something new everyday was tainted with memories of my mom trying to buy herself out of her guilt.

But, I wouldn’t rather have had it any other way.  I truely appreciated the smallest things – like Easter Eggs filled with jelly beans or a really great handed down purse that I could use to play pretend.

And now that I’m all growed up and faced with the dilemma of living a life of “trying to keep up with the Jones'” while raising my daughter with appreciation and gratitude for life’s smallest gifts.  I’m all growed up and I got me a job and a hubby with a job and life isn’t bad at all.  We probably have more toys and gizmos and fun things in our house than the average person on our block (well, okay probably not on our block, but definitely more than any neighbors I ever had as I was growing up)…  and I wonder if I’m spoiled now, if I’m spoiling my daughter now, or if my husband and I are just enjoying the liberties of adulthood while still living financially responsibly.

This post has turned into something completely different than what I thought it was going to be.  But thats the way I write … I don’t have the patience (or, is it the time?) to sit down and actually think before I type.  So many of you have elegant and perfect posts on your blogs… but mine is just filled with ranting crap!

At any rate, we do have more than enough now.  Our free-time choices are limitless.  We have a basketball court in the backyard.  A new sandbox.  A nice swingset with a built-in fort.  We have bicycles, wagons, strollers.  We have board games galore (but they’re dusty.)  And we have four computers, four TV’s, a treadmill, a weight bench.  We have two cars, parks nearby.  We have friends with kids and friends without kids.  We have a basement to finish and work to be done.  Good work, too – like, work for GOD and stuff.  But, I can’t wait for the wii to show up on our doorstep. There, I said it.  I want to live simpler.  I want to brag about how little we have.  I want to practically become Amish.   But, damnit, I can’t wait for our newest too-expensive stupid TOY to show up so I can waste some time enjoying it while Julia watches yet another Dora dvd in our bedroom.  It should get here today or tomorrow and I’m totally looking forward to it.

HAH! There… I said it!  How embarrassing.
Guess I’m not going to win mother-of-the-year or wife of the year or employee of the year, now am I?

The cats out of the bag – there’s a bun in the oven!

February 16, 2007

Well, after a long three week wait, we’ve decided to finally make our news public.  We are (finally!) pregnant!  I give you this news with some excitement, much hesitation, some fear, and a little guilt. (I know you know who you are, I’m sorry that I’m pregnant and you’re not.)  We saw our peanut on Monday … heartbeat and everything. 🙂   I have a few prayer requests for you to keep in mind.

` Pray that the baby is healthy and happy and is able to grow into a healthy newborn.

` Pray that I can ditch some selfish eating habits (hellloooo sweets!) and start eating better for the bun in the oven

` Pray that those childless mothers out there won’t lose hope or excitement over the miracle of a baby. That those women out there who are longing for the experience will find their two pink lines soon.

` Pray for Rich, as he endures another long nine months with a hormonal wife, AND a testing toddler. (okay, the toddler isn’t that bad – but I couldn’t take ALL the blame for the stress and tension that happens around here)

` Pray for yourselves – that your prayers are heard and are in line with God’s will.

Thanks 🙂  That said, we had a scare on Monday – I started bleeding a little. We went into the doctors for a sonogram, and everything looked good.  I’m still spotting very lightly – which I know can be totally normal.  But, given that we miscarried the last one, our nerves are very short.  We cannot wait until we have three months “under the belt” (har har) so that we can celebrate the pregnancy and not live it in fear.

Now, what are you waiting for?  Leave me a comment to congratulate!

Thursday Thirteen

February 8, 2007

Dear world,

I’m crabby, tired, and learning how to put up with little-to-no bullshit. I learned to stand up for myself just two and a half years ago… twenty six and a half years too late, but a helpfull bowl of knowledge nontheless. However, I can’t shake the constant self-doubt, I’m always my biggest critic – and I can be pretty mean sometimes. I have good friends, great faith, and a fabulous – couldn’t-be-more-perfect husband. But, I still get moody, cranky, bored and tired – and I’m entitled to my bad moods just as much as the next person. Herewithin you will find my Thursday 13 from the bitch dark not-as-chipper side…


3 posts in one day?

January 15, 2007

Yeah – football playoffs. *YAWN* boooring.

And anyway, I got tagged with a meme 🙂 Horray!

Garnie said I have to do this:

You do this:

1) Find the nearest book
2) Open to page 123
3) Type lines 6-8 of said book
4) Tag three others

“Beauty exalts, but beauty also lulls.  Early associations endear but they also confuse.  Through that beautiful solemnity the transporting or horrifying realities of which the Book tells may come to us blunted and siarmed and we may only sigh with tranquil veneration when we ought to be burning with shame, or struck dumb with terror, or carried out of ourselves by ravishing hopes and adorations.”

Okay, so I was never very good at following directions.  But, I had to finish the sentence, I didn’t wanna leave you guys hanging 😉 Or, maybe it was the English Major in me that didn’t want to end without a period.  At any rate, this quote is from the section titled “Modern Translations of the Bible” from The Joyful Christian by C.S. Lewis.

13 Things

December 29, 2006

1) I got season One of Lost on DVD for Christmas. I asked for it because I’ve heard alllllll the hype, and we had never seen a single episode.  Seems like just about everybody I know is addicted to it.  We’ve had it for 2.5 days now and have already seen 5 episodes (we’re on the second cd already!) … that’s five hours of television in three days.  That’s crazy. Santa, I want to change my want-list. Wait no, lemme keep it – I GOTTA see what happens next.

2) Rich has the whole week off!  He took the week between Christmas and New Years off. His aunt is in from outta town – he hasn’t really seen her on his days off (that I know of?) but it was a good excuse to take time off anyway.  It’s been SO NICE having him around when I get off at 1pm.  Gives us more time for watching the boob tube. (Ugh, what a delightfully sinful waste of TIME!)

3) Julia’s three favorite things are (a) the color purple (b) mac & cheese and (c) cheeseburger.  Or, maybe those are just her three favorite things to say.. her favorite words.

4) Why is it that when you give our dog a minty bone to help with the disastrous dog-breath, it turns her farts into nuclear bombs?  Eeeew.  I want the dog-breath back, please.

5) Working with 4/5 year olds is always challenging.  It’s physically challenging, mentally challenging, and even emotionally challenging.  Everyday.  Really – it is!   Especially right after Christmas when their routines are screwed up, they’ve been spoiled for nearly a week, and they’re overstimlated by all the gizmos and gadget and excitement. (yawn.. can I quit my job yet?)

6) Tomorrow is trash day. I can’t wait.  It’ll be like a big, exciting celebration around here.  A couple of weeks ago, I cleaned out the fridge. We forgot to set the trash out that day 😦 Eeew.  Last week, the guys never picked up our trash – we still aren’t sure why (the bill got paid and everything!).  Today is supposed to be trash day, but since the holiday was on a weekday – everybody got pushed back a day so they’re coming for it tomorrow.  I really can’t wait.  I’m very excited.

7) Julia got a babydoll some babydolls for Christmas.  One came with the big gift we got her (stroller, playpen, carseat, etc etc etc) then her aunt got her one, we bought her a strawberry shortcake doll, a dollie came with another toy and she already had three or four dolls around the house.  It’s very confusing at bedtime now – she cries for a certain baby and we have to break the code: you want the baby with the binkie? you want the one that smells like strawberries? you want the one that goes potty? you want the big one? the little one? Just tell me which freikin dollie you WANT!  The other night, it was “the binkie baby” – the one that takes a pacifier.  Gah – we’re going to start a new routine where all the dollies will sleep in their playpen by her bed – and they’ll all be together (hence, put away) and she’ll see them in the morning. Wish us luck on that one.

8) Christmas was exhausting for us.  Our church had a Christmas Eve Eve Candlelight service on Saturday, two regular “high church” services on Sunday morning and two more candlelight services  Sunday night.  Rich and I worked all five services – spending our time in the church ‘nursery’ with the babies.  It was exhausting.  I’m glad it is over.  Sorry, but I am.

9) Christmas morning was fabulous. Julia is absolutely hilarious and fun.  Christmas was never Christmas before we had her … she really is such an important part of our family.

10) We are in the midst of cleaning our garage out.  It was hideous for a while there – not even a path to walk through.  Between the trash, baby items (high chair, etc) and the firewood – it’s impossible to get from one end to the other.  I’m excited and scared about the prospects of a roomier garage.  Freecycle and Ebay and TrashMan, here we come! (Oh, I just remembered all the unpacked boxes that are probably still out there too from when we moved in here a year ago.)

11) We moved in here a year ago. That’s weird.  I guess it was a year ago today, even!  Doesn’t seem like it it.  In the past year, we’ve repainted the master bedroom, tore up carpet and put down hardwood floors, repainted Julia’s room, added pretty stickers, put up some drywall downstairs (in what will someday be a luxurious playroom) and bought a bazillion dollars worth of household items, including a new, rather large, dining room table.  It’s been fun!  We still need to finish the basement (hah, like that’ll EVER happen) and get a fence for the backyard. Someday we’ll hardwood floor the extra bedroom, too – and the kitchen. We also need to replace the carpet in the living room…  Ahhh – will it EVER end??

12) My mother sent us a blank check for Christmas.  Wasn’t that nice? (facicious) She wrote in her card, “Buy me something nice for yous”  and that was that.  What does that mean?  We wrote it out for $100 and then cashed it after I consulted with her on it … but I’m still so confused about it all.    I don’t understand her at all – I don’t think I ever will.

13) Do dishes and laundry multiply while we’re out of the house?

This n That

November 29, 2006

I have about a bazillion things to share with you, none of which you’re likely going to care much about – but some of it is good gossip nonetheless.


13 Good Things

October 9, 2006

I used to be a big participant in the Thursday Thirteen.  But, then life got too crazy and I failed to keep up with it.  Because of those good ole days, I always think of the Thursday Thirteen when I’m trying to figure out what to post when I have a million (or just 13 or so) things on my mind.  I find myself wishing it was Thursday so I could make it official.

But then, I remembered – it’s my blog, I can 13 if I want to!

13 Good Things

  1. My daughter somehow gets cuter and cuter every single day.  She never fails to put a smile on my face.  Her words are hilarious and I adore listening to her jabber when she thinks no one is hearing her.
  2. My hubby is adorable, too.  He’s kind-hearted and patient.  He puts up with my moods better than I do.
  3. Our house is getting more and more beutiful with baby steps.  I’m starting to pay attention to small details – and we even got some festive Autumn decorations up.  It’s getting there…  It’s nice to look around and enjoy HOME.
  4. I love Autumn.  It’s definitely my all time favorite season.  The weather is perfect, the trees are beautiful, and it’s a great time to stop and appreciate the beauty God put in the world for us.
  5.  I enjoy being busy even though I find myself complaining about it often.  It’s kind of nice to always be on the go, because I know that someday, we might not get to GO GO GO as much.
  6. Julia is doing much better.  I don’t know if I mentioned it here – but she was one sick puppy.  She got “sent home” from daycare on Thursday and Friday.  She’s had the big D and has been cranky overall.  I want so bad for it to be her teeth (let’s get that over with!) … but instead, I think it was some yucky virus from school.
  7. The church has launched a new mission where we are sending letters, drawings, cards and care packages in support of troops that over in Iraq.  We have to families in specific that we are focusing on – sending packages to the guys’ whole unit.  It feels good to know that there’s at least one small thing I can do for those brave men and women.
  8. Looks like things might be getting much better with Hubby’s work situation.  There was a big chunk of yucki-ness there with the way work was stealing him from the family way too much.  He’s forced to carry this evil pager and cell phone around everywhere, and has been paged in at 1am on more than one occassion.  It’s getting better as they are actively looking for help and restructuring a bit.
  9. My friends Garnie and her honey are coming to KS and I will get to visit with them on Friday… even if only for a couple of hours.  This is totally worth a special mention, becuase it’s so great that I’ll get love and reminders of home without having to go there (I keep saying that I’m never going back!  It’s awful there with my family dynamics).  Garnie – get yer butts out here! I’m so stoked!
  10. I’m learning to FLY.  It’s baby steps – babysteps is the only thing that keeps me going.  All I can do so far is shine my sink LOL. But, baby steps is better than no steps at all!  Thanks, Flylady.
  11. I’ve been quite emotional lately.  Julia’s stinky diapers have been making me gag. I’ve had more a sweet tooth than EVER.  I’m on day 30 of my 28 day cycle.  I did start spotting, but I’ve spotted in the beginning of both my other pregnancies, so the chance is still there.  I’m not getting excited yet, I refuse to take a test.  I just know that if I pee on that $8 stick, AF will show up in an hour… that seems to be the pattern.
  12. It’s whatever – I’d love a baby, but I’m not all about being 9+ months in July around here, either.
  13. There are more than 13 great things in my life. One great thing is that I can recognize that life isn’t always ribbons and bells.  I’m in a bit of a slump, but I can climb out like anybody else.  It’s not a dark hole, like I indicated in the previous post – it’s just a torn page in this book of my life.  I’m honestly greatful for days like these – they show me what I’ve been taking for granted.

Currently on the nightstand

October 3, 2006

Just so you know – I do read.  I just don’t read like I used to, and I miss having the time to breeze through a book and put all my thoughts down on paper.  But – I can’t go without a good book for too long!

Currently on my nightstand are:

geisha.jpg … FINALLY!  I finally get to read it!  It is a hard one to put down, but – unfortunately, with a toddler and two jobs, I kinda have to sometimes.

mormon.jpg A very good read that I happened upon while shopping for Velvet Elvis.  I’m very into this topic right now – mostly because of one of my students in class.  I’m so very interested and am almost done with the book already – despite the fact that I really don’t have the kinda time where I should be reading a book like this before completing my other daily tasks.  Hey – at least I’m learning!

velvet.jpg This book goes along with a small group we are part of with our church.   It’s on my nightstand, but I haven’t opened it yet.  In fact, we are three chapters behind the rest of the group (oops! hehehe).  I can’t help it if the other two books are calling my attention more often!  However, the discussions in small group always leave me intrigued, and I really want to dive into it.  I guess I kinda feel like if I open it, I might not want to put it down – because if I put it down, I might not pick it back up again. But then, the discussions on Wednesday nights will make me want to pick it up again.  I dunno – I know that doesn’t make sense … it’s complicated!

I’m a Christian

September 21, 2006

It’s natural that the statement “I’m a Christian” likely gives you a gut feeling. Either good or bad, you probably have a standard reaction when you hear those words, especially from someone you might not know all that well.

What do you think when I tell you that I’m a Christian?

Does it bother you that I had my 9 four-year-old students say that with me out-loud today during our “worship” time in class? (It’s a Christian preschool!)


For the first time today, I followed my heart on this and decided to really ACT like a Christian. Before today, I always kinda whizzed past “worship” time with my class, trying to teach them about God in a very P.C. way – being sure to let them know that they will someday understand how to make their own choices and make up their own minds about their beliefs. There’s nothing wrong with that – that’s a very responsible way to be a teacher.

But today, I finally got to experience what it feels like to let all the politics and “should”s go out the window and just teach the kids what I know. I introduced them to JELLY – my special puppet who sleeps in the closet an awful lot. Jelly told the kiddos that he is a child of God and that he believes all of them are children of God as well. The kids loved Jelly and prayed with him that God would continue to live in our hearts and minds everyday so that we can grow up to continue to share the glorious story of Jesus and the Bible.

I can’t help but wonder if some parents would be mad if they had the chance to listen in on my special time of worship with their kids. Yeah, it’s a Christian preschool and the parents are well aware that we teach the kids from the Bible a lot – and on Wednesdays we actually walk down to the church’s chapel and hear a short sermon from the Pastor. But, I also know that at least one of my kiddos is only attending this preschool because it is one of the best in town – as far as improving children socially and preparing them academically for kindergarten. I also happen to know that this family has a foundation in the Church of the Latter Day Saints.

But, how can I honestly call myself a Christian if I’m not willing to take risks and actually act like a Christian. I want all these kids to learn about the enormous love that God shows us every day, especially through the story of his son, Jesus Christ. I don’t want any of them to miss out on it – and I want them all to be believers… I kind of feel like that’s my duty as a Christian educator – that I should be expected to teach children about Jesus. And, shouldn’t it be BECAUSE OF the children who don’t have the solid Christian family at home that I should be even that much more motivated to teach them about the love of Christ?

It feels like I’m finally getting it. I’m aware of the comfort zones – and I know that teaching kids some things about Christianity are very taboo (When is it appropriate to tell kids that their sins are washed away by the blood of Jesus?). But, I think that makes me all that much more qualified to be in this wonderful position where I have the freedom to share with the world the story of Christ. I can do it professionally and I can still pay attention to some of the politics involved and I will always be sensitive to the needs and wants of a family – but I’m also understanding how truly blessed I am to be a trusted CHRISTIAN adult in the lives of these children. What responsibility!