Archive for the ‘RAWR’ Category

Obligatory Update

July 1, 2007

Vacation Bible School is over and I can breathe again!  It was fun.  The week of VBS was a blast, and I was able to forget all the hard times I went through having two other directors in the mix with me.  They took over, and I finally let them do it – and now I’m glad for that because .. now that it’s over, I realize that all the silly details weren’t all that important anyway.

Hubby turned 30.  He got a gift card to the brew store. He loves to brew his beer… I’ve been craving beer, but have only had one small sip of the stuff since almost a year ago.  I’m glad he has some good hobbies that keep him out of trouble anyway.

He also had his second Father’s Day.  I think I gave him the best gift ever…  Julia got him a gift certificate to go golfing, and I got him a whole day off from church.  Rich hasn’t missed a day of church since I got hired (except twice, when we were both out of town together)… and he was able to take that entire Sunday to golf with his dad and his brother.  I think they had fun – they came back smelly and tired and telling stories of the beaver they saw on the course.

We also had our 6th wedding anniversary.  We dumped Julia off at her Auntie’s house so that Rich and I could enjoy dinner together without her.  We ate at the Cracker Barrel, and then went shopping and putzed around town for a bit.  When we picked J up at Auntie’s house, we also brought her two cousins home with us… they spent the night at our house, as a small favor to Auntie and Uncle – who needed a sitter the following morning.  It was a lesson in patience, but it was fun nonetheless.

Then VBS happened, and now here I am trying to come up with all kinds of details that have happened in 3 weeks time to keep this blog updated.

The baby is kicking – she seems healthy and happy.  This coming Thursday will be my first OB appointment that is 2 weeks after the last one.  I’ll get to visit every 2 weeks for a while, then it will go to weekly during my last month.  The due date still hasn’t changed (which is a good thing, since I’m kind of an anal planner)… she’s scheduled to arrive sometime around the 26th of September.  That puts me close to my 28th week, and now I’m starting to feel the pain.  This pregnancy is much harder than the last one. Much much much… but I’m managing to enjoy it when I can.  Julia is excited – and I think life around here is going to change drastically over the next week or so, when we FINALLY get the nursery put together.  God bless my hunk of a hubby who has put new cork flooring down in the nursery … the walls are painted.. the trim has been painted… and it’s all going to come together soon.  He puts up with my impatient nagging… I keep asking him when it’s going to be done – and he patiently reminds me that it’s hard to paint walls and install a floor when taking care of a preggo wife, a toddler kid, running a VBS station, and working full time all at once.  I forget sometimes how much he does for us. He’s amazing.

When we get the nursery put together, then we can refocus on the playroom – which is supposed to be the whole downstairs of the house (next to the this-here-office of ours).  That will be such a blessing…  though, I wish it could miraculously get done within the next 5 weeks so that I can seriously consider starting my home childcare business.  I guess we’ll have to wait and see….

I think my dad and his wifey are coming out in early August.  I told him they’re crazy – they might as well wait until early October… saves them a trip, because they will HAVE TO come out to meet little missy when she’s born..  but he insists and they have the time and plans to come anyway, so that’ll be cool.

I’ve been thinking about and missing my mom and my brother a lot lately.  It’s been years since I’ve talked to my now-estranged brother… but he’s been coming up in my thoughts a lot lately for some reason.  I hope he’s okay.  My mom and I chat very briefly from time to time online… but never with any sustenance to the conversation.   I think this pregnancy is making me hyper-aware of the relationship that is missing there.   Oh well.

I’ve been a horrible friend to everybody around me lately.  My long-time friend Abbey recently graduated college and I didn’t even so-much-as send her a card.  My friend Angela has given us a ton of stuff for the baby and I haven’t sent her a card or called her at all recently.  I have no idea how my Aunt Julie-O is doing… I haven’t talked to her since right after she had her back surgery months ago.  My friend Megan visited a couple of months ago with their newborn baby and she’s since sent pictures over email and I haven’t taken the time to write her a few sentences to let her know I’ve been thinking of her.

I’d love to say that I’m going to sign off now so that I can catch up on all those regrets… but what really must be done is some tidying up of the office before I lose myself in the piles.
Thanks for reading! Look forward to another long, rambling, senseless update in the future.



I’ve lost it

June 18, 2007

I don’t know what “IT” is that I am referring to in the title, exactly, because IT can be anything these days.  It seems as though I have no idea where anything is anymore.  Yes, I’m familiar with “preggo brain” but I thought it was worst in the first tri-mester… at least, it was with my first pregnancy.  This time around – my preggo brain is kicking in at FULL SWING right now, just as I’m getting into the third trimester.

I’m losing things that I could never possibly lose:

– My swimsuit bottoms.  I have the top, I have the towel, I have everything I had when I last had the top and the bottom together – but now I don’t know where my bottom is.  ARUGH frustrating… and I only had one maternity swimming suit.

– Apparently I’ve lost four reimbursement checks that the church has cut me.  The finance guy came to me today with a list of checks that have been written to me but never cashed, and how the HELL could I lose a check? I immediately sign the backs of those babies and go deposit them.  The good news is (I guess?) that I didn’t miss the money… apparently I didn’t even realize that the checks never cleared until I was told so today.

– A whole bunch of stamp pads.  I’m not into stamping or stamps or anything stamp related, but I did have a bunch of ink pads for stamps in with all the other crafty crap I have to keep in my basement for the church… and I can’t find a single one.  I did go out and buy a new one since one of the Sunday School classes needed it today for an art project… but of course I lost that one, too…  not even 24 hours after I bought the dang thang.

– Patience.  Have you seen it? My patience is missing.  I’m UBER good with 3/4 year olds. My daughter will be 3 in 3 months – she acts 3 and thinks she’s 3. I should be really good with her…. but I’m not. Where did my patience go?

– My ability to reason. I have been acting on impulse.  What the hell? I’m SUCH a reasonable person.  Does anybody know where I left my ability to reason?

The worst part about all of this is that “preggo brain” never really goes away, right? Once you lose those brain cells, they’re pretty much gone for good.  At least, that’s what everybody tells me and it was true with the brain cells I once had before becoming preggers with Julia.   Ahhh – good thing I have a smart AND good looking hubby to take care of me.


June 3, 2007

Imagine someone comes to you in tears on a bi-weekly basis complaining of their job and that they don’t know how to manage time properly and thanks for bearing with them through all the learning and growth they are experiencing from taking too much on at a time.  Then, imagine that person comes to you months later, still the same wild wreck they have been, asking you to take on their job for 8 weeks while they take some time off.  You’re friends with this person and have helped them through a lot (as they have helped you through a lot…) and you know their job very well, and often boast that you could do their job better than them becuase of your freedom and organizational skills.  But, you learn that you’d be taking on their stressful job for these 8 weeks for NO PAY. It would be strictly volunteer work out of the kindness of your heart.  Would you take the position?


An Important Lesson

May 30, 2007

I’m learning to include myself on my to-do list.  Okay wait, perverts, that’s not what I meant.


Title? How do I create a title for this post?

May 8, 2007

Here’s a bunch of randomness…

Thank God the little town we live in is still standing after all this crazy severe weather we’ve been having.  Thank God we don’t live in Greensburg, and Dear God please help those that did.  I could NOT imagine having a tornado demolish my every belonging.

I’m 20 weeks along.  20 weeks, people!  That’s halfway.  Where did the time go? When will the playroom be finished? When will the baby’s room be done? When will we have time to go through clothes and toys and start sanitizing the house?  Heck, when will I be able to do dishes again?   Our BIG ULTRASOUND is on the 24th.  We’ll know then if the baby is a Junior or a Missy.  Big stuff, can’t wait!

I have been having nightmares lately.  Stupid dreams that turn into nightmares by my wild imagination.  It’s awful because I can’t even talk to anybody about the dreams or I sound like a complete idiot.  I tried to tell hubby how scary it was that “someone moved the acorns” in one of my dreams and it was hard for him to not laugh.  But, in the dream and IRL, I’m downright scared sweaty.  It’s awful. I want to be able to sleep again.

The baby is moving.  I felt it move for the first time on Friday night.  It was like a little ripple. It was adorable and heartwarming and sweet and I never want the feeling to end.

Julia is a real grouch today.  Every little thing is pissing her off to tantrum’dome.  It was fun going through the grocery store to get something for dinner tonight with a 2 1/2 year old that was pulling things off the shelves and throwing them in the cart and getting mad each time I put something back.  But, I haven’t lost my patience TOTALLY yet…   Right now she’s watching Dora so I have about 22 more precious minutes to recollect my thoughts before dealing with her again.

Tonight, we’re going to tour the ‘other’ hospital.  I have a choice between two hospitals and have no clue as to which one to pick.  We toured one on Wednesday night… it was great – I could see myself having a baby there (save for the wacko nurse that gave us the tour… seriously lady, calm down…).  But, I have friends that have delivered at both hospitals that I get to choose from and both have gotten split reviews.  The friend that has delivered at SM hates OPR and the one that has delivered at OPR hates SM for whatever reasons.   I’m anxious to see the big difference and make up my own educated mind about the whole thing.

I have volunteered myself DRY.  I’m tired of working for free and I can’t get out of any of it until it’s all over.  I said yes to VBS, yes to Relay for Life, yes to helping plan a bigass baby shower (for the 13 ladies at our church who are preggers) and yes to reinventing the church nursery.   Just thinking about it all is exhausting and not much rewarding.

Hmm.. what else?

I’m trying to figure out this whole hosting your own blog thing.  I finally got a PHP set up through our ISP but I can’t seem to get a webpage going on it yet.  The provider is a bit tricky to work with ( and I’m learning as I go here..    I really want to have a great page before the next kid arrives so that I’ll be back in the habit of posting daily.  It’s important to me to keep a journal/scrapbook going for the kiddos.  Honestly, it’s taking me a lot longer to set it up than I’d like to admit since I did this kind of stuff in my sleep back in my college days.  Has it really been THAT long ago??

I’m actually excited about dinner tonight.  I’m going to make tacos.  I think this might be a craving of sorts since I can’t stop thinking about it.  Yummm gooey tacos with lots of meat, cheese, sour cream, tomatoes, salsa, yummm

I totally just locked my husband out of the house on accident.  Our screen door is locked and there’s no way to open it from outside.  Now, he had to sneak in through the back door.  I feel like an idiot for actually taking a feew minutes to myself to post.  ARGH>

Ditchin Church

April 3, 2007

We took a mini road trip this past weekend… we needed an excuse to get away and didn’t have the funds to go very far. I could have used a beach, a cruise, or maybe even a ski trip.  Instead, we went to BFE Hays, KS.   Who takes a road trip to Hays, KS??  We do.

Hays is halfway between here and “home” and my dad and his wife met us there.  We stayed in a hotel that had a heated indoor pool with a big ole water slide.  The slide was fun – Julia even enjoyed it once she got over the initial apprehension.

It was nice to see my dad.  But, I was immediately reminded of how disappointing a visit with him can be, too.  I’m just nothing like my family – they are spontaneous people that don’t plan a second ahead and get frustrated or upset when they can’t predict what I want want to do next.  Or wait, I’m making it sound like my whole family is that way, when really it’s just my dad (he might as well be my whole family sometimes? but that’s a whole nother post).  Anyway, he didn’t show up until 9pm on Friday night, when they were supposed to be there in time for lunch.  They called and said they’re running late and would be there for dinner.  I’m so glad that I’ve learned over the years not to rely on him – I’d’a killed a man before waiting until 9pm to have dinner.

Oh well – they came and we had fun.  They wanted to do the historic museum sight-seeing … we abliged because, well – hell, there’s just not much to do in Hays KS.  We went to all two of their “tourist attractions” with them (a little known museum and a lesser known fort).   I would have rather spent that time enjoying the gianormous waterslide, but it wasn’t totally up to me.

At any rate, we had a weekend away.  The “real motive” behind the trip was, perhaps, simply to skip church.  Sometimes it’s nice to be away… and since I work for the church, it was like being away from work. Sorta.   I dunno – somehow it felt really nice to skip out on the one thing per week that keeps my life grounded.  Go figure.

Anyway – like I said, we had fun.  I’m rambling now because I can.

Julia is getting even cuter everyday, if you can possibly believe that.  Her sentences are become hilarious – as she sputters out things that come from the wilds in her imagination.  She’ll repeat just about anything we tell her to but it always comes out in Julia speak. (I’m a doorbell is really ‘I’m adorable’).

Oh and Julia has named the baby.  She came up with a name last week and it has stuck. She has not forgotten it and is absolutely clear when she says it.

Our baby’s name shall be MonkeyPants.   Yeah, I told you she’s cute.

This poor kid in my tummy will forever be the kid that was once called monkeypants.

I’m feeling pregnant.  My bowels don’t quite know what to do (TMI?) and I’m tired and just recently started getting cranky…  I’m always hungry but nothing ever sounds good.  I drink a gallon of water a day (at least) and my feet always hurt.  I can’t sleep and I can’t get any work done because I’m constantly finding myself wondering what life with two kids is like and will I be able to handle it.  That t-shirt I bought a few years ago that says PSYCH WARD might not be as funny when I’m working with two kiddos 24/7.

I’m only 14+ weeks along, people.  I realize that this is only going to get worse.  Please, find some words of encouragement for me.

But, it’ll be okay.  It always is, right?   Someday, we will start working on the nursery and the playroom – and someday it will feel like we’re really expecting a baby in this house of ours.  Someday, I’ll finally get a routine down for dishes and laundry (I tried FlyLady – I’m not good enough for it.  Thanks anyway..)  and someday my house won’t smell like drywall mudding.

Someday I’ll have two gorgeous kids that keep me laughing all the time.  They’ll help with household chores and they’ll rub my back or play with my hair on command.  They’ll read ME the bedtime stories once in a while (once a week? C’mon that sounds fair) and they’ll say things like “you’re so beautiful mommy.”

Yes, someday.


March 16, 2007

Work Blahs

Remember this pathetic post I wrote  a week ago?  Well, all that has officially been taken care of.  All it took was a few frustrating days in a row for me and the guts to say something, and I walked out of work singing the Dora song “I did it! I did it! I did it… YAY!”  (Watch TV much?)

Long story short(er)….  I’ve been doing childcare for about 7 years now (more if you include babysitting jobs) and I consider myself experienced.  After having my own PreK classroom at Primrose, I was a childcare licensing inspector for the State of Colorado.  I know lots of licensing rules and concentrate a little too much on health and safety of the kids. (Yes, its possible to be OVERLY concerned with these issues… kids are kids! We need to let them be kids once in a while… instead of constantly reminding them that they didn’t wash their hands for long enough or need to push in their chairs.)

Anyway, since my current employer was still convinced that I was up for the awesome job offer that begins in the Fall, she had me out doing “observations.”  Observations are required in Kansas for all childcare workers to start out – I never had to do them because I started out in childcare in Colorado.  But, according to Kansas, I’m only director certified for up to 12 kids, and my boss wanted to have 15 enrolled in the classroom this Fall.  So, Kansas said I needed to complete 5 classroom observations to increase my capacity.

There’s nothing more annoying than having to sit in on other teachers teaching preschool kids in quiet observations.  I’d much rather play and sing songs and be a teacher-type than sit quickly as if I’m the new kid fresh outta high school.

At any rate (guess it wasn’t long story SHORT, now was it?) … it’s been a throughly annoying week for me, and I marched into work today, took my boss lady into her office closed the door and said with my words: “I am officially turning down your offer and will not be teaching in the Fall.”   WHOA was I relieved.  And, she wasn’t surprised.  She said that she wasn’t running around with blinders on – that she knew childcare costs would be outrageous for me to stay there, but she wanted ME to come to HER officially to give her the word.   It makes sense… she didn’t want to give MY job away without my turning it down first.  My boss is so freiking cool.

When I told her about my plans to open preschool out of my house after the peanut is born, she said “That sounds logical and sound.  You’d do great and I know you’d keep parents happy and kids happier.”   Once again, my boss is so freiking cool.

So, She’s still sending me on my fifth observation – which is tomorrow –  just to make it official.  I will be licensed for up to 24.  That will be a nice piece of paper to show prospective customers in October when I’m ready to open my home.

Pregnancy Blahs

I’m still pregnant, which is amazing and exciting and praise-to-God-worthy!  I’m feeling the little squirt move around, which is awesome and amazing and something I missed feeling immediately after Julia was born.  I’m still excited about being pregnant and having another kiddo running around this house.

But I’m tired and crabby and fat-feeling and hungry and thirsty and tired.

I’m so tired of being tired.  I’m so sleepy ALL THE TIME.  I remember, when I was preggo with Julia, I slept all day everyday (I worked from home… for the government, LOL) and it was nice and much needed.  I was a night owl – taking care of household and work related responsibilities at night.  I slept whenver I wanted (just about) and enjoyed every single second of it.

But, now I have a toddler.  And I’m pregnant again.  And I’m so tired.  And I can’t sleep.  I’m busy.  I have two jobs. And a husband and a dog and a kid.  And all I want is to crawl into bed with my pillow and my duckie and fall asleep and never wake up until dinnertime.

There. That feels better having said it.  Now, don’t go leaving me a comment saying that the 2nd trimester will be better and that I’ll back to my normal self in now time, yadda yadda.  And whatever you do, do NOT leave me a comment along the lines of “you think it’s bad now… wait till the kid gets here.”  I will seriously kick your ass.   Instead, leave me a comment telling me that you feel my pain and you’re sending me a clone of myself so that one of me can enjoy life with my daughter and my husband while the other one of me takes care of the peeing and sleeping and eating part until the second is born.

Once again, thanks for listening.

Embarrassed by overindulgence

March 9, 2007

In our weekly bible study, the topic of keeping life simple comes up often.  I always say that I’d love to sell all my belongings, save a few shirts and two pairs of jeans, and live simply.  One bowl, one spoon, one fork, one cup, one plate, one toothbrush, my daughter, my hubby, my family and my bible are all that I really NEED.  I dream about our house being clutter free and my free-time choices consisting only of reading or playing a simple board or word game with family.

I’d say that we didn’t have much as I was growing up.  It’s easy for me to say that now, considering all the junk we do have.  But, all my things were hand-me-downs… even the clothes.  I enjoyed getting hand-me-down clothes from my older female cousins. They were in their teens when I was 7-12 and I would get “Mag Bags” every month or so. (Big trash bags filled with great clothes). I remember a summer, though, when it seemed like I got at least one new thing per day.  Either a cheap toy from the dollar store, a new shirt from Target or WalMart or some kind of fun cassette tape with cheesy preteen music on it.  I loved waking up every day that summer because I would wake up trying to remember what it was that I got new the day before.

When I went off to college and became poor and had a steady diet of ramen and macaroni, I realized that I was never “spoiled.”  Even that fun summer when I’d get something new everyday was tainted with memories of my mom trying to buy herself out of her guilt.

But, I wouldn’t rather have had it any other way.  I truely appreciated the smallest things – like Easter Eggs filled with jelly beans or a really great handed down purse that I could use to play pretend.

And now that I’m all growed up and faced with the dilemma of living a life of “trying to keep up with the Jones'” while raising my daughter with appreciation and gratitude for life’s smallest gifts.  I’m all growed up and I got me a job and a hubby with a job and life isn’t bad at all.  We probably have more toys and gizmos and fun things in our house than the average person on our block (well, okay probably not on our block, but definitely more than any neighbors I ever had as I was growing up)…  and I wonder if I’m spoiled now, if I’m spoiling my daughter now, or if my husband and I are just enjoying the liberties of adulthood while still living financially responsibly.

This post has turned into something completely different than what I thought it was going to be.  But thats the way I write … I don’t have the patience (or, is it the time?) to sit down and actually think before I type.  So many of you have elegant and perfect posts on your blogs… but mine is just filled with ranting crap!

At any rate, we do have more than enough now.  Our free-time choices are limitless.  We have a basketball court in the backyard.  A new sandbox.  A nice swingset with a built-in fort.  We have bicycles, wagons, strollers.  We have board games galore (but they’re dusty.)  And we have four computers, four TV’s, a treadmill, a weight bench.  We have two cars, parks nearby.  We have friends with kids and friends without kids.  We have a basement to finish and work to be done.  Good work, too – like, work for GOD and stuff.  But, I can’t wait for the wii to show up on our doorstep. There, I said it.  I want to live simpler.  I want to brag about how little we have.  I want to practically become Amish.   But, damnit, I can’t wait for our newest too-expensive stupid TOY to show up so I can waste some time enjoying it while Julia watches yet another Dora dvd in our bedroom.  It should get here today or tomorrow and I’m totally looking forward to it.

HAH! There… I said it!  How embarrassing.
Guess I’m not going to win mother-of-the-year or wife of the year or employee of the year, now am I?

Work Blahs

March 8, 2007

I work in a preschool.  It’s okay… I chose this profession right outta college. There wasn’t much else I could do with my four year degree in English.  I love kids – always have.  Four and Five year olds are my specialty, but I have a really hard time staying away from happy babies as well.   The preschool job went from 40 hours per week to 30 hours per week when I got hired on at church as the Children’s Minister.  I’d have loved to quit the daycare all together, but it pays some bills.  The church only pays me part-time.

Anyway, church work is getting busier and a bit harder as we progress.  The church is growing and the children’s ministry will stop growing if we don’t begin to focus on it more. So, I’ve definitely declared the church as my top priority over the daycare work.  Thing is, like I said, the daycare pays some bills.

When I got pregnant (thus, constantly exhausted as well), I decided to bring my hours down to 25.  I gave up my own classroom to be a “floater” – someone who bounces around the building offering potty breaks and errand running.  This way, I won’t have to do lesson planning or discipline (much) and all that other jazz.

Giving up my classroom was a hard decision.  Graduation is just around the corner, and my 8 students are going off to Kindergarten in the fall.  But, my mommy skills were lacking and my church work was suffering… so I really saw it as no other choice.

Well, I was stoked to learn that my new schedule would be 10am to 3pm.  What a deal… sleep in and then come home before regular business hours end.   I counted down the days to my new schedule.  My  new schedule started on Monday and I haven’t worked a single 10-3 shift yet.

My boss assures me that after next week, it will be strictly 10-3pm… but that this week is funky due to some other staffing issues.  Do I believe her?  Half.  I want to believe her really badly … but experience has shown that if I don’t stay on top of her case about it all the time, I’ll be taken advantage of and considered “Flexible” in scheduling.  Don’t worry – I’m all over it. She understands with all certainty that I will NOT be in to work before 10am starting Monday.   I am very demanding, and she has learned that about me. Thing is, she’s a pretty cool boss, and has given in to my every demand thus far.

Here’s the tricky part … I accepted a position from her back in January that was a pretty nice deal.  I would start my new position in August, when school starts – and I’d be teaching from 8 to 3 as a salaried teacher. I’d have all teacher holidays off and I’d still get benefits.  I couldn’t pass this up.  Anybody else would jump on the deal, too.

But then, I got knocked up.  And I told her …without telling her… that the deal’s off.  When baby #2 comes around, I wanna stay home (that’s the agreement that hubs and I made a long time ago)…   I even mentioned to my boss the cost of childcare, and that having two in care while I work for my (generous, but not generous enough) little salary would hardly pay the bills, and she laughed it off.

I thought I was understood.  I thought it was clear as day that I would not be working there for free – as my whole paycheck would go to childcare for my two kids.  Apparently, she didn’t understand.  Even today, she’s still going around introducing me as the new classroom teacher starting this fall.  She’s crazy.

I love her to pieces. But, I love my church more and my family moreest.  So – there’s the drama at work that I’m working to sort out one comment at a time each day.

I might eat you

February 20, 2007

I might eat you because I want to, not because I’m hungry.

I might eat you because you’re in my way!

I might eat you because we’re talking about eating right now.

I might eat you because I’ve eaten everything else in sight and I cannot think of a good reason not to keep eating.

I might eat you because you’re sweet (especially you and you and you and you … with your downright DARLING and FUN exciting response to my news of being preggers).

Take cover! Preggo woman on the loose! RUN!!