An Important Lesson

May 30, 2007

I’m learning to include myself on my to-do list.  Okay wait, perverts, that’s not what I meant.

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It’s a….

May 25, 2007

So, it’s SO hard to believe that I’m more than halfway there.   Today, I’m 22 weeks, 3 days along and I had my mid-point OB appointing and sonogram!

I had a good discussion with the doc about a VBAC and I’ve decided to go for it.  Basically, everything inside me says WHY NOT?!?   … The doctor is great and seems supportive.  I just love my OB.

Hubby went with me to the sonogram and we found out that the little bean growing inside of me is a …. Read the rest of this entry »

Woke up Happy

May 18, 2007

Today, I woke up happy. For the first time in about 4 months, I woke up happy! My allergies are there like they are every single morning, but this morning I could open my eyes (they weren’t swelled shut), I could breathe (without gasping), I could blow my nose (without bleeding) and I could walk around (without a headache).

It still took me ’till 4am to fall asleep, but once I was out, I guess I got a good nite’s rest! I had some really wacky dreams. In one of them, I was just meeting my husband. I was single and at this crayola store, making pictures with a whole bunch of other single people. Then, all the sudden this big group of really hunky men came in (waaay good lookin… i mean, my hubby was one of them!) and they all had really dark, really curly hair. (He does look kinda weird with really dark hair… I like his natural blonde/brown better.. but it was just a dream.) These men were going around to all the tables taking every crayon except the one that the people were using. If you wanted another color, you had to raise your hand and ask for it.

I remember explicitly that I wanted red and purple… both at the same time. So, I raised my hand – and my hubby (Though I didn’t know him as my hubby in the dream, because in the dream he was just a hunky single guy in charge of crayons) came over and I asked him for the purple and the red in my most flirtiest way that I possibly could! He hesitated, and asked me allll the must-know questions “what’s your sign?” “Do you have a job?” “What do you do for a living” (and I remember lying to him saying that I taught 3rd grade even though I knew that irl, i was “just” a preschool teacher)… and then he asked “Do you mind military guys?” I said no and asked what branch of the military? And he said Nazi!

I told you it was a weird dream.

I remember feeling a sense of panic and wonder … I was head over heels in love with this guy and didn’t agree with his life. But, the dream led me through this weird series of events where things were blown up military style and we had to run through smoke and pass all these tests and stuff before we could live happily ever after.

As creepy as it is, it wasn’t a nightmare… just a very weird dream!!

I also had another detailed dream about wanting to get my hair cut. For some reason, my mom had to drop me off at the haircut place and we agreed that she’d come back later to picke me up when I was done. But, I went in and sat in the salon chair and there was half-eaten food all over the counter. It was clear that the people who were there before me didn’t clean up …. and soon a busser type person came over to clear the food but then I just sat and sat and sat and the haircut lady never came by to ask me how I wanted my hair. So, I soon gave up on her and left the place – deciding to meander around the shops on the street while I waited for it to be time for my mom to pick me up. When I figured it was about that time, I went back to the haircut place and my mom was in there, sitting in the same salon chair – getting a super fabulous gorgeous to-die-for haircut. I was so mad and jealous and I asked her how she got the lady to pay attention to her.. and she came back with something like, “See, honey? It really is important to be patient sometimes!”

Weird.

Anyway, I’m glad I got some sleep. I have to say, I’ve been in a pretty good mood and it’s not even noon yet! So now, you get to see some cute pictures. 🙂 Enjoy!

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Calling all VBAC’ers!

May 14, 2007

So, there’s been something really big weighing on my mind lately. It has to do with that really big something that is weighing on my pelvis, too.   Oh that reminds me of funny that happened….

I work in a preschool – with young kiddos, of course.  And the other day, little C came up to me and asked, “Miss Maggie, did you have one of these here chicken sandwiches for lunch?”

“Yes, it was pretty good!” I answered.

And she stared me up and down, trying to come up with her words…  “Well,” she started – as her face got wrinkled with worry and wonder and thoughts.. “cuz it looks like you have something A LOT bigger than that in your tummy.”

C is four years old and I thank her for the laugh. It was cute!

Oh, I digress.  Anyway, I wanted to write a cute post about how much I love my kids and how much I love my mom (despite the lack of mommy’ing that may have happened in the last 10 years or so..) and how I would give up anything in the whole world for my children and my hubby.  But, I can’t concentrate because I can’t stop thinking about the wonder of a VBAC.

I had a C-Section with Julia because… well, I didn’t see that there was much choice.  My water had broke at 11pm on my due date, and at 3pm the next day, she still had not made any progress. (Oh someday, I’ll go into my long tirade of a story about how pissed I am that I was robbed of the opportunity to progress labor by my lazy doctor… I know so much more now than I knew then – but that’s a whole ‘nother post.)

My OB says that I still have a choice. I can go VBAC if I want to.  My initial reaction was “why the hell would I wanna do that??”  but the more I learn and progress with this pregnancy, the more I miss the chance I coulda had to have Julia the right way.   My doctor has said on a couple of different occassions that I do have the choice – but that it’s very rare anymore because of malpractice insurance.  He said that only two hospitals in this entire STATE allow for a VBAC anymore – and that doctors are turning vbac’s away left and right due to the complications that could happen.  But, the two hospitals that allow them, are the two that I have to choose from – and he has still maintained that I have the choice.  (Sure, sounds like he’s trying to talk me out of it, but who wouldn’t?….   he would know when he needs to be there to deliver me, he would know that there’s minimal risk considering.. and we would all know my due date.  Sounds like a great deal for the doc.)  Really, though – who wants to go through possibly-unneeded surgery? We’re talking longer recovery time, more drugs, unnatural birth, etc etc etc…     But am I being selfish by not considering the real risks??

I have talked to many women who have had a VBAC and several women who have had multiple children vaginally after their first was born C Section.  ALL of these women say that they do not regret it and are so happy they’ve made the choice.  ALL of them say their VBAC’s were very successful.

But – my question is… where are the ones that have tried to go VBAC and were not successful?

I guess I still have some studying to be done.  But y’all know me – I’m a busy chick.  So, go ahead – flood my comments with your wisdom and solicited advice.  I promise that I’m a stubborn and independant woman,  and will not choose one way or another just ‘cuz you said so.   I do make my own decisions… but I’m totally needing some opinions here.  Where better to get opinions than from BLOGLAND, right!??!

Thanks 🙂  Now, go comment away.  And, when I’m feeling more up to it, I can write a more appropriate mother’s day post that involves my sweet pea having her last mother’s day with me as an only child.

Title? How do I create a title for this post?

May 8, 2007

Here’s a bunch of randomness…

Thank God the little town we live in is still standing after all this crazy severe weather we’ve been having.  Thank God we don’t live in Greensburg, and Dear God please help those that did.  I could NOT imagine having a tornado demolish my every belonging.

I’m 20 weeks along.  20 weeks, people!  That’s halfway.  Where did the time go? When will the playroom be finished? When will the baby’s room be done? When will we have time to go through clothes and toys and start sanitizing the house?  Heck, when will I be able to do dishes again?   Our BIG ULTRASOUND is on the 24th.  We’ll know then if the baby is a Junior or a Missy.  Big stuff, can’t wait!

I have been having nightmares lately.  Stupid dreams that turn into nightmares by my wild imagination.  It’s awful because I can’t even talk to anybody about the dreams or I sound like a complete idiot.  I tried to tell hubby how scary it was that “someone moved the acorns” in one of my dreams and it was hard for him to not laugh.  But, in the dream and IRL, I’m downright scared sweaty.  It’s awful. I want to be able to sleep again.

The baby is moving.  I felt it move for the first time on Friday night.  It was like a little ripple. It was adorable and heartwarming and sweet and I never want the feeling to end.

Julia is a real grouch today.  Every little thing is pissing her off to tantrum’dome.  It was fun going through the grocery store to get something for dinner tonight with a 2 1/2 year old that was pulling things off the shelves and throwing them in the cart and getting mad each time I put something back.  But, I haven’t lost my patience TOTALLY yet…   Right now she’s watching Dora so I have about 22 more precious minutes to recollect my thoughts before dealing with her again.

Tonight, we’re going to tour the ‘other’ hospital.  I have a choice between two hospitals and have no clue as to which one to pick.  We toured one on Wednesday night… it was great – I could see myself having a baby there (save for the wacko nurse that gave us the tour… seriously lady, calm down…).  But, I have friends that have delivered at both hospitals that I get to choose from and both have gotten split reviews.  The friend that has delivered at SM hates OPR and the one that has delivered at OPR hates SM for whatever reasons.   I’m anxious to see the big difference and make up my own educated mind about the whole thing.

I have volunteered myself DRY.  I’m tired of working for free and I can’t get out of any of it until it’s all over.  I said yes to VBS, yes to Relay for Life, yes to helping plan a bigass baby shower (for the 13 ladies at our church who are preggers) and yes to reinventing the church nursery.   Just thinking about it all is exhausting and not much rewarding.

Hmm.. what else?

I’m trying to figure out this whole hosting your own blog thing.  I finally got a PHP set up through our ISP but I can’t seem to get a webpage going on it yet.  The provider is a bit tricky to work with (www.rr.com) and I’m learning as I go here..    I really want to have a great page before the next kid arrives so that I’ll be back in the habit of posting daily.  It’s important to me to keep a journal/scrapbook going for the kiddos.  Honestly, it’s taking me a lot longer to set it up than I’d like to admit since I did this kind of stuff in my sleep back in my college days.  Has it really been THAT long ago??

I’m actually excited about dinner tonight.  I’m going to make tacos.  I think this might be a craving of sorts since I can’t stop thinking about it.  Yummm gooey tacos with lots of meat, cheese, sour cream, tomatoes, salsa, yummm

I totally just locked my husband out of the house on accident.  Our screen door is locked and there’s no way to open it from outside.  Now, he had to sneak in through the back door.  I feel like an idiot for actually taking a feew minutes to myself to post.  ARGH>

My baby and me

April 26, 2007

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Maybe I’ll Laugh about it Someday?

April 22, 2007

Today’s April 21 – a date that I’ve had marked on my calendar since January.  Today is supposed to be the spring planning meeting for the church – an all day free-for-all when church leaders get together to brainstorm and problem solve and improve our ministry.  It was to be from 9am to 3pm, with a pizza lunch included.

The Pastor sent out reminder emails last week and I faithfully replied that I’d be there. I don’t like to miss meetings like this because important crap gets decided and, well, I’m quite opinionated.

Hub and I didn’t sleep well last night (Though I’m confident that I got more sleep than he did) …. he is sickly.  Poor guy.  He also got paged to work at 4am.  Though he didn’t go in at that time, he did have to get up, make a call and arrange to be at work very early this morning. I think he left at like 6am.   Nothing like getting showered and ready for work at 6am on a Saturday, now is there?   But wait, this post isn’t about him – it’s about me and my church meeting.

Right – well, I got up early too to shower before Julia wakes at her usual 7ish time.  I waited around forever to see if hub was going to call and let me know that he was on his way home since whatever it is that he went into work for wasn’t supposed to take that long… but he didn’t call so I decided I’d take J with me to the meeting and Hub could just pick her up from the meeting place to take her home when he got done.

I followed a link that the Pastor had on his email to the church that we were meeting at and saw that it was right off a street that I kinda knew.  I printed the map from mapquest – and that had the address on it, and then J and I left.

We would have gotten to the church on time if I had not passed it twice.  We were meeting at Grace Church – and although I saw Grace Community Center, I didn’t think it was the church since it didn’t look like a church.  But, after the third time around I got smart enough to look at the address… and sure enough, the address on the building matched the address on my mapquest map.

Okay so I was only going to be 10 minutes late or so… J and I trudged in the building, hastily looking for room number 222.  After about 10 minutes of searching I decided to call the pastor, knowing full well that I’d be interrupting the planning session.

“I can’t find where you guys are – I’m here, just don’t know where the room is.”

“There’s a little open door by the playground… (commotion) ooh wait, okay – Carol is going to come out and meet you”

(I’m confused, I don’t see a playground ANYWHERE! But, I hang up waiting for Carol to come to the rescue … then the phone rings, it’s pastor again)

“Um, (giggling) what street are you on?”

“I’m at ____ ____street, right where it says to be.”

(pause) “Well thats not where we are – we are off of ____th”

(Thinking to myself, wow – that’s WAY OFF!)

I told him I was having a bad day and would just be going home.  There was no way I was going to drive all thew ay out to BFE for this meeting, especially since I was now going to be 45 minutes late and hubby would have to drive way out of his way to come get J when he got off work.  I accused the Pastor THREE TIMES of putting the wrong address on the email.

When we got him and I dried my pregnancy-induced tears, I looked at the email and … Pastor was right… there was NO address on the email.  There’s no possible way he told me the wrong address.   Instead, there was a link to Grace UMC – and following that link lead me to two links that both say “Map”  One is the map for Grace UMC and the other is the map for Grace Community Center.

UGH – I sent an email to the entire group apologizing for interrupting the session with my phoen calls and also apologizing to the pastor for thinking he was a liar.

It’s still not funny right now, but I know that maybe I’ll laugh about it someday.

I’ll admit it, I’m pregnant

April 21, 2007

I’ve been a bit moody lately. But, I think I’m over cautious about making sure my moodiness doesn’t show to the outside world because I don’t want to be the crazy pregnant chick.  I’ve always been pretty good at plugging away while my emotions rot inside me until they explode – which is neither fun nor healthy.  But now, the pregnancy mood swings are irritating me perhaps more than my own problems are.

It is good/nice to know that I do have a crutch.  Whenever I go crazy, I can say “oh it’s my pregnancy.”  But, I’m a strong woman – I don’t dish out excuses regularly.

I’m finding myself offended at the stupidest things – dishes that are left out for me to do, a slight preggo remark (such as, “you’re REALLY showing, now!”), or when people don’t remember appointments they have with me.

But, I trust that this will all end someday. Some far away day.  After baby arrives, after nursing, after my body readjusts to the old Maggie.   I just hope that my family and friends are enjoying the ride more than I am.

I’m confused

April 17, 2007

I’m making a new blog – which hopefully I can reveal here someday.  I bought a CSS Editor upgrade deal on wordpress.  I even found a CSS template for wordpress that I really liked.  Now, how do I get that template into my wordpress blog?  Where do I find the CSS code??   I’m so confused.

FYI – 10 years ago, I knew it all.  I was writing webpages “from scratch and by hand.”  I knew all the html code and could play with stuff a lot to get it fun and useful.  Now, I’m lost. I’m feeling old. And pregnant.  Who can help?

Plugging along – a bunch of randomness

April 16, 2007

We’re still plugging away as normal.  Things never do slow down around here.  Last week was Easter – I think I’m *almost* recovered from it.  Julia had a great time with her Easter baskets (one from grandma, another from mom and dad).   We bought her the movie Peter Pan because her new shoes have tinkerbell on them and she had no clue who Tink was….  She got PP on Easter Sunday and by the time Tueday rolled around, Rich and I were so sick of the movie we joked about throwing it away.

It wouldn’t have mattered though, as our adorable little girl digs in the trash if she sees something there that’s hers.  It’s not often that I throw her stuff away, but when I do – I now know to do it in a trash that isn’t toddler accessible.   The kid has tons of Easter baskets … some from last year, one from our visit with Norm and Grappy in Hays and then the one from grandma and of course the one from us.  Not all of them are gorgeous enough to keep around the house, you know.  But, they do stick out of the trash a bit when thrown away, and our little miss will take it right back out of the trash multiple times if she thinks theres no reason to throw it away.

Rich was asked to hide a dollie that Julia had.  It was a tiny little doll that was starting to get all gross from being in the bathtub (her arms and legs were falling off, etc.).  Rich did as I instructed, and took it right to the trash.  20 minutes later, Julia was loving on it again (EW) and Rich threw it right back away again.  It doesn’t take her long – she found that stupid doll 3 or 4 times before Rich was smart enough to put it in the trash in the garage. “Well, I keep putting it deeper and deeper in the trash under more stuff.”   Eeeew.. Yes, I’m so proud of my trash diving daughter.

Despite that patheticness, she really is growing up.  The other day, I was in shock about how she fits in her car seat. She’s just bigger now than I remember her being.  Her cheeks and her neck are getting pudgy and she’s definitely taller.  She’s growing through all her clothes SO FAST.

….

The kid in the oven is plugging away, too, I suppose.  I feel like a cow – but in a good way I guess.  I’m definitely OUT of my regular clothes and INTO maternity clothes – but the problem is that I am not comfy in any pants I have.  I hope the shorts and capri’s fit better since it’s going to start warming up soon and I have a ton of those.   My friend Angela gave me a ton of maternity clothes and I’m forever greatful to her for that.  She’s awesome.

At the last doc appointment, we heard a strong heartbeat.  There’s still a week and a half until the next doc appointment, and I’m already anxious.  I haven’t felt the baby much, that worries me.  But, I’m definitely feeling preggers.  Thank GOD the tiredness is wearing off….  I can actually get stuff done now when I think about it.  The only things in my way now is food and brain cells.

I’m not alone here.  There are 9 pregnant women at my church… all of whom are due between June and December.  My job at the church is staff the children’s ministry.  But all the children’s leaders are preggo and going to pop soon.  SO, not only do I face the challenge of covering them while they’re out of commission, it’s also obvious that our children’s department at church is going to expand rather quickly with crying babies and what not.   How am I going to accomodate the wonderful preggo ladies, find teachers for their beautiful babies, and take a maternity leave myself??

….

Our schedule for the summer should slow down, and for that I’m thankful. Our bowling league ends in three more weeks (YAY YAY YAY YAY) and our table group bible study is slowing down too.  I’m so glad that we’ll have the summer together as more of a family… Julia is going to need lotsa extra TLC before and after this summer!

Our office is hideous.  I’d love nothing more than to clean this room up and get it organized.  I tackeled the storage basement two weeks ago and have loved it ever since.  I actually don’t mind working down there anymore, because everything has a home and it’s so easy to work with.  But, this room – the office – just screams HELP ME.  I hear it everyday just begging for help, but I always manage to put it off.  If I would just get started in here, I know I could do a really good job and keep it clean for a little while. Plus, I’d be way more efficient at my work.  But, UGH, how do you get started with such a HUGE task?  I need a dumpster, some organizing buckets with lids, and three hours with no hubby and no kid.  I think I could do it, then.

The weather is so wacky!  Two weeks ago, I was actually wearing shorts.  Last week, I froze my ass off in three layers of clothes.  Last night and Friday night, it totally snowed!  Today, right now- hubby is mowing the lawn in shorts and a t-shirt and I can’t wait for Julia to wake up so we can go to the park.  I don’t understand it at all!  This is BFE Kansas, it’s supposed to be somewhat predictable!  (let me quickly mention as a sidenote that I’m not very homesick right now – as Colorado has been BELTED with snow this winter and have just gotten it again.  I envied CO at first, I’d give my right leg to play in some fluffy white snow – but I’m glad that our crap is melting right away and that we have days of sunshine!)

Blog envy.  I want to be a better blogger.  I want to include pictures and stories. I want to have an awesome mommy Christian blog that is filled with pictures and stories and lots of fun fu-fu.  I just don’t know how to get it done!  I want a cool blog! ARGH!

Baby envy.  One awesome blogger on my blogroll, Chelle, just had her baby boy Ethan.  Okay, this is kind of old news but I haven’t been around here much lately.  I lurk her blog at least daily – sometimes multiple times a day.  I’m envious that she’s spending time with her newborn baby OUTSIDE the womb.  She’s still blogging it up with great pictures and stories and I so want to be able to do that.  Congrats, Chelle, you’re totally awesome.